Wife, Kids and a Few Good Friends.
I don’t remember where I first heard it, but the phrase “The courage to be disliked” stuck with me.
Later, I came across another version: “The courage to be misunderstood.”
As an Enneagram 7 and a certified people pleaser, those words might as well have been written in a foreign language. They didn’t fit into my vocabulary—at all.
But as I’ve gotten older (and hit what I jokingly call a quarter-life identity crisis), those words started to make sense. Not overnight, of course. But slowly, they began to resonate.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
The people who are doing something truly meaningful with their lives will always have both admirers and critics.
It’s not necessarily because of what they’ve done but because that’s how people are.
What separates those truly remarkable people is this:
They’re not paying attention to either crowd.
They’re not distracted by the praise, and they’re not derailed by the criticism.
They’re focused on listening to the voices that matter most—their spouse, their kids, and a few good friends.
I’m not someone who dwells on the past. It’s not my nature, and I refuse to play the victim. But if I’m honest, the past ten years have included some seasons where praise was deafening and others where accusations and misunderstandings seemed to follow me wherever I went.
Were some criticisms fair? Sure—no one is perfect, and I’ve made my fair share of boneheaded decisions. But most of the time, both the praise and the persecution came from spectators—people who didn’t truly know me.
And back then, it wrecked me.
I lost sleep over it.
I bent over backward trying to win over people I’d known for 20 seconds and people I’d known for 20 years.
I couldn’t stand the idea of being misunderstood or letting anyone down.
Fast forward to today, and guess what?
I still have people who praise me and people who criticize me.
The difference? It doesn’t faze me anymore.
Why?
Because I’ve built my life around the voices that matter.
A wife who loves me enough to tell me the truth—what I need to hear, not just what I want to hear.
Kids who can’t be fooled and hold me accountable just by watching how I live.
A few good friends who feel more like family, whose priority isn’t flattery but sharpening me and calling me higher.
One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was keeping my table open for everyone while keeping my inner circle small and intentional.
An Inner Circle Isn’t a Clique—It’s Smart
This was tough for me to embrace—especially in Christian circles, where we’re often taught to give everyone unlimited access to every part of our lives.
But here’s the truth:
Even Jesus had an inner circle.
Jesus handpicked the twelve disciples, but even within that group, He chose Peter, James, and John to experience an even deeper level of intimacy with Him.
Why? Because He was mission-driven and knew that letting the wrong voices distract Him could derail His purpose.
The Mission Requires Focus
The same is true for us.
The mission God has given you—the calling on your life—requires you to not please everyone.
In fact, if you’re pleasing everyone, you’re probably not standing for much at all.
How I Stay Grounded
I keep a simple system in my phone:
For each area of life—physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, financial, etc.—I have a list of 2-5 people.
These are the people who have proven themselves trustworthy, accountable, and wise in that area of life.
When they speak, I listen.
When someone outside that list offers unsolicited advice or criticism?
It’s like water off my back.
I might hear it, but I don’t let it shake me. Why?
Because I don’t give power over my mental and emotional health to people who haven’t earned it.
That doesn’t mean I dismiss others or don’t value their perspective. It simply means I’m intentional about whose voices I allow to shape my life.
Don’t Give Strangers That Power
We live in a time where someone behind a keyboard can fire off a comment, and it ruins our day.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Don’t give random strangers—or even acquaintances—that luxury.
I’ve learned to reserve that kind of access for:
My wife,
My kids, and
A few good friends.
When you focus on the voices that matter most, you gain clarity, confidence, and freedom.
It’s not about ignoring others—it’s about being intentional with who you let shape your life.
So, if you’re overwhelmed by the crowd, here’s my encouragement to you:
Widen your table, but guard your circle.
Final Thought
You’ll always have people who praise you and people who criticize you.
But at the end of the day:
Your spouse knows the real you.
Your kids can’t be fooled.
And your inner circle will hold you accountable to the calling God has placed on your life.
Love you all.
Always in your corner,
-LM
