CONFESSIONS OF A PASTOR DURING COVID
I am exhausted. I am hurt. I am angry. I am sorry.
I’ve been carrying a burden, I thought I couldn’t lay down.
Before typing these words, I prayed. When the Lord made me He decided to give me the desire to please people while also giving me the desire to not back down from conflict… and some people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor.
But this blog post is as serious as serious gets. Though I do not have the ability to speak for other pastors, I did want you to hear the confessions of a young pastor during COVID-19.
Again, I am exhausted. I am hurt. I am angry I am sorry.
It seemed like instantly most people logged on to social media and gave their two cents about their stance on the newfound pandemic. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there. Both the virus and opinion spread fast, chaotically, and ruthlessly. Soon schools had to make decisions to end the educational year and churches were left with a decision nobody could have predicted.
And, I, as a pastor (along with the church leaders), had to make the decision nobody likes to make… the decision that cannot please everybody.
People threatened to leave the church if we didn’t shut down and people threatened to leave the church if we did.
Let me just get real honest. People expected us to decide between slowing the spread of the virus or sending people into isolation risking their mental health.
To make it worse, there were pastors nationwide taking bold stances on COVID-19 shaming anyone who did not think along the same lines.
On one side they clung to verses in Romans about respecting governing authorities.
The other side clung to verses about gathering with other believers.
Do you want in on a little secret? In most cases, I saw the verses used out of context to prove a point of opinion rather than to promote the truth of the Gospel.
I am not here to tell you if leaving church doors open was the right decision or if closing them was the right decision. BUT, I am here to tell you that shaming another believer for their personal conviction is never okay.
Why do I feel so comfortable saying that?
Because, NO PASTOR had ever experienced navigating an event like this. There was no protocol or precedent for COVID-19. Therefore, claiming you handled it the right way, let alone the “only” way, is foolish and a naive way of thinking.
Satan has us right where he wants us if we are being honest…
Now, not only are the United States of America the furthest thing from “united” but so is the Church. Now, not only is the nation failing, so is the Church.
We are quick to point out the “right” way to handle COVID, but somewhere along the way we neglected the greatest commandment of loving our neighbors as ourselves.
The Bible is not a bowl of lucky charms… you can’t just pick out the parts you like and toss the rest in the trash. Unfortunately, it seems as if Christians have been reading from 1 Opinions a lot more than Matthew 22 or James 4:11-12.
SO, YES, I AM EXHAUSTED.
Emotionally I am drained by the late nights of racking my brain trying to find clarity and peace.
YES, I AM HURT.
I hurt for the state of our country. I hurt for the state of the Church. I hurt for anyone who was shamed for their decision in the midst of uncertainty.
YES, I AM ANGRY.
Kind of like when Jesus flipped the tables… It’s a righteous type of anger. The God I serve is understanding. He listens to the cries of your heart. He lets the weary run to Him. He takes the burden you have been carrying. I am frustrated that the Church’s first response, along with the rest of the world, was hate and negativity. You must have tuned out when my Savior said “You without sin cast the first stone.”
It’s hard to throw stones when you are loving others.
YES, I AM SO SO SO SORRY.
I have really been challenging myself to respond rather than react. I want to be remembered for how I love and care for people. I want people to see Jesus in me. It’s unfortunate that so many people felt shamed in the midst of this mess because God never designed us to experience shame. He certainly never desired for His children to do the shaming.
Dear Church, please show love, grace and understanding.
Dear Pastors, please show love, grace and understanding.
Dear Individual reading this, please show love, grace and understanding.
Am I doing everything right? Probably not. But I am doing my best and I firmly believe I am doing what God is calling me to do.
I will continue to be exhausted, hurt, angry, and sorry because this is my calling. In fact, I believe I was made for such a time as this.
It’s okay to run from the madness as long as you are running to the Savior.
I love you guys.
Until next time,
-LM
