you don’t have to post that.
“Nobody wins an argument behind a keyboard.”
Some of my earliest memories involve my parents reminding me how to behave. I recall hearing something similar to:
“Be respectful.”
“Be on your best behavior.”
“Be kind.”
and most… if not every time, I was reminded to
“Think before you speak.”
Unless you have been living under a rock, you have probably come to realize that Mark Zuckerberg (CEO of Facebook/META) changed the way we communicate as a society.
Don’t get me wrong, I am the biggest advocate of technology. I have a degree specifically in Social Media. I spend a lot of time emersed in the algorithms both professionally and recreationally.
By no means do I consider myself an expert. However, I do want to provide some professional insight regarding a situation I continue to see get worse and worse.
In case you haven’t realized it by now, Social Media is not a free platform. Yes, you get to sign up and use it for hours upon hours without paying a dime. However, you are the product Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, etc. continues to sell.
Your attention span is their currency.
Yes, it does sound a bit inhumane. Your resources (time, money and devotion) are most attractive to Big Media.
In a conversation about social media, Tristan Harris, Co-Founder and President of the Center for Humane Technology, says, “It’s not addictive by accident, it’s addictive by design.”
This means that they are less concerned with sharing information that will encourage you than they are concerned with tailoring photo after photo, video after video, post after post that will keep you on the edge of your seat wanting more regardless of the consequences.
Have you ever had that experience when something you have talked or thought about appears on your device in ad form a few hours later? Yep, your information (psychologically, sociologically, and emotionally) is being bid on by businesses, political parties, and more every second you are using their preferred social platform.
So what’s the purpose of a post like this?
I’ll just cut to the chase. We have all had these two experiences if you have used social media for any amount of time:
People like or engage with your post in a way that delivers a hit of dopamine which makes you feel valued, loved, and respected
People interact with your post in a negative way with a hateful comment or a stance in direct opposition to yours delivering the perfect storm of adrenaline and dopamine. This makes you feel dominant, argumentative, and invincible
If you take a step back and look, it does not take long to realize that social media wins either way. Your brain is hooked if someone likes your content and your brain is hooked if someone opposes you.
Therefore, naturally, they will continue to feed you the drug you desire most. Before jumping further into this point, it is of the utmost importance to realize what the word algorithm actually means. The following definition is the simplest and easiest I could find.
Algorithm - machine learning data science technology with the sole reason to deliver relevant content to users
In other words, the feed you see every day is perfectly manicured with one goal in mind… How long can I keep them on the platform?
This is why some days it will seem as if everyone’s post you see perfectly aligns with your stance on political issues, business endeavors, trending artists, travel, etc.
However, experts are seeing trends also begin in the opposite direction. To be clear this means that people will stay on the platform longer if the algorithm delivers highly controversial subjects tailored to the individual holding the phone.
And just when you begin to get frustrated that not everyone is wearing the same rose-colored glasses as you, the data science technology (algorithm) will begin to cater multiple posts from close friends and family that share your same values. This delivers hits of dopamine to encourage you that you are “right” and entitled to your view on any particular highly controversial subject.
So what’s the issue?
People forgot the basics of being a decent human being somewhere along the way. It is as if being respectful exists outside the parameters of social media.
Go back to the basics of what you were taught as a child:
“Be respectful.”
“Be on your best behavior.”
“Be kind.”
and yes, even
“Think before you speak.”
I have never met someone who claims that an argument on social media led them to change their view or perspective on something, especially something highly controversial.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that this is a sad reality. When used properly, social media can be a tremendous instrument and advancement of communication in our generation. However, not all communication is good communication.
In fear of leaving you completely depressed, you might be asking yourself the same question I ask myself daily:
What can I do?
Believe it or not, you can beat the algorithm. I have spent the last several months making sure the accounts, individuals, and businesses I follow can answer this one easy question:
Is [said account] making me a better person?
If not, I simply don’t engage with that account anymore. Before you jump the gun, this does not mean “CANCEL” said person or business and never interact with them outside of social media. It does entail you training the algorithm to realize that type of content is not attractive to you anymore.
After of few months of doing this, you will realize that social media is actually life-giving. It begins to be a tool that allows you to be more motivated, driven, and steadfast in your thoughts and actions. To be transparent, my social media is a blast now because for the limited time I am going to be on it throughout the day, I know I will be hit with content from some of my favorite pastors, entrepreneurs, business leaders, friends and family, as well as informational content from real estate to my favorite sports teams and so on.
Oh, and I didn’t forget… some of you are still wondering what to do about the people that post things that you feel CONVICTED to have a conversation about. This might blow your mind, but I think the conversation should be had… just not behind a screen.
Invite the person to chat over a cup of coffee or an afternoon lunch. Heck, invite them to your house. Conversations were meant to be face-to-face. If they are in a different location, invite them to jump on a Facetime call, Google Meet, or Zoom with you.
Chances are you will walk away with more respect, admiration, and understanding for the individual across the table from you because you no longer see them as a ‘keyboard warrior’ but more of a person with feelings and emotions.
If you want to have further conversations around this particular subject, don’t roast me in the comments, invite me out for a cup of coffee ;)
Always in your corner,
-LM
You are loved! Until next time...
If you would like to make a request to have Lain come speak with your church, conference, event, school, or group, email me and make sure you check out the Speaking Requests link on my site to see availability for the upcoming months.
